Day 172: My balancing act (volunteer vs pay work)

juliabreese — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 19:09:31 +0000

I like to volunteer. It gives me a feeling of satisfaction. In yoga this type of service is called Karma Yoga. Karma yoga is often understood as a yoga of selfless (altruistic) service. What can be challenging is balancing the art of giving, versus giving too much. If one gives their time with resentment then this isn’t really giving at all. Before we give we should make sure we have looked after ourselves . We should give freely and without expectations. I often struggle with this balancing act. I give too much. I resent it. I give too little. I feel like I should give more. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Recently I volunteered for several projects. It was over a period of a few months so I thought I would be able to handle it with ease. Life has a funny way of changing the story line though. My whole house got sick at the same time that ALL the volunteer stuff I had been waiting for came in. I am terrible at saying no. I really struggled with making people wait. Everyone understood but I found it stressful despite their patience. Once my health (and my kids health) returned I had a ton of catch up work to do. I wasn’t being paid for any of it. I didn’t feel resentment but my wallet certainly wasn’t happy about me giving all my time away.

My volunteer stuff is on hold for a little while. I have to get some yoga resumes sent out and some posters made for my yoga classes. Otherwise I think I might be sitting alone in a room during my yoga classes. Karma Yoga will have to wait for a wee bit….or at least be refocused towards serving my family and their needs.

Day 171: Yoga for the immune system

juliabreese — Sun, 19 Feb 2012 20:07:12 +0000

Spring is almost here and I can feel my allergies kicking in. I developed seasonal allergies in my early 30′s after an extremely stressful time of my life. I had been unkind to pretty much every part of myself. My romantic relationship was falling apart and everything was out of control. I was being swallowed up by self hatred and hopelessness. I felt like crap all the time. I thought I kept getting colds but when I went to the doctor I was informed that I had developed late onset allergies. Ugh.

Allergies are an autoimmune disorder that causes an abnormal reaction by a person’s immune system against a normally harmless substance. In western medicine there isn’t much to offer in the way of “curing” allergies. I was prescribed antihistamines, steroid nasal spray and a steroid inhaler. As I am sure you can imagine I wasn’t comfortable with this prescription especially since the treatment was theoretically a “rest of my life” thing.

In Chinese medicine strengthening the immune system is supposed to help and possibly even cure allergies. Avoiding stress, eating good foods and supporting the immune system are key. I firmly believe that I can cure myself of allergies. I haven’t yet but I manage to control them with a fair amount of success using yoga and acupuncture. With this in mind I have been doing more and more immune supporting yoga asanas lately in hopes of keeping my reactions to a minimum.

Yogic immune system boosters often involve back bends and chest openers. These types of postures stimulate the thymus gland, which in turn strengthens the immune system. I did this sequence today and it was lovely. I feel refreshed and my sinuses feel a lot clearer.

Day 170: Seriously though.. how can yoga teachers afford these workshops?

juliabreese — Fri, 17 Feb 2012 16:54:30 +0000

I am going to a workshop in a few weeks on Yoga Nidra with Jennifer Piercy. I am super excited about it. I would like this to be one of my 500 hour teacher training modules but I just don’t know that I can actually afford to do a 500 hour Yoga Teacher Training Certification.. even if I have three years to do it in. I signed up for this Yoga Nidra Workshop and have been in financial stress every since. There is another workshop next month for Yoga and Mental Health and I dearly want to go.. but alas I cannot. Things are just not financially stable enough for me to spend more money. Sooooooooooo now the depth of my understanding of yoga philosophy get put to the test. How do I deal with yearning, craving, wanting? How do I accept where I am at this exact moment and find fulfillment here rather than feeling dissatisfied because I can’t get what I want?

I read an interview at the YellowYogi website with Wade Morisette and in it he says “I’ve spent $180,000 over the last 15 years in yoga trainings &retreats and at the end of the day I’ve come full circle to where my practice first began – learning to breathe consciously. “

Ummmm $180,000??? Really??? Jebeezuzz…. I think I am out of my league here.

I do think further education in yoga is valuable, especially when it comes to expanding ones knowledge to teach students in a safe manner. And I think that I “usually” get more out of going to a class setting than I do from reading a book. But like I have said in other posts… I didn’t get into teaching yoga to be more stressed. Nor did I get into doing yoga to be more stressed. So I have to be honest with myself and my current financial situation. I just can’t afford much extra training at the moment. Thank god there are books and the internet…. I can still find lots of learning there. I think my yoga retreating, 500 hour superstar yogi self will just have to wait a while.

Day 169: What if I have to pee?

juliabreese — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 17:04:42 +0000

One of the silly little worries I had about becoming a yoga teacher was about the fact that I pee six hundred more times a day than the average person. No it isn’t a bladder infection.. no it isn’t kidney problems. I have had this since I was a wee kid. I pee. Often. As you all know, when you have to pee you become tense. When you are teaching and/or doing yoga you should be relaxed. I have always wondered what happens when a yoga teacher has to pee during class. I have NEVER been in a class where the teacher actually left to pee. I wondered if somehow doing yoga regularly made one super human and immune to these lowly bodily functions such as the urgent need to run to the bathroom.

It happened. My worst fear. I had to pee. Actually it was a double whammy of my worst fears during my class last night. I was so excited to teach the Ajna Chakra. I was so inspired about the subject matter. I offer classes in small church on Sundays. Before the class there is a service. I often smell left over donuts and cheap coffee in the air. Last night when I turned on the furnace there was also a faint smell of cheap perfume. I had an allergic reaction to it just as I was TRYING TO TEACH PRANAYAMA. My throat closed up. I couldn’t breath. It was very scary. I turned off the furnace so it would stop blowing the scent I was reacting to around the room. I ran downstairs and drank water to open my throat and wash the allergen away. I drank more.. and more and more.. It took 4 cups of water before my throat relaxed and I could continue teaching. I was quite shook up and my teaching felt very jarred.

Then I had to pee… The class felt like it went on for hours. I tried to keep my voice calm but my insides were burning. I thought Savasanah would never end. My “OM” at the end of class felt squeaky. The second the class was over I fled. I guess yoga teachers do have to pee. My students said they didn’t notice a difference but I wonder if they were just being polite. I think cough drops or something like that is going to become an addition to my teaching gear because I never want to go through that again.

Day 168: Kids, teens, parties, paintball, and yoga???

juliabreese — Wed, 15 Feb 2012 16:43:12 +0000

It never ceases to amaze me how much time and energy my children take. I love them to bits and know this time doesn’t last forever so most days I am okay with the vortex that comes along with raising children. It does make it challenging to maintain a regular yoga practice though. The ONLY moment I could find to do yoga today was while I was at a paintball course waiting for five teen boys to finish shooting each other. Thankfully we live in a beautiful area with lots of woods so my yoga practice was under the trees in nature….with rat tat tat sounds in the background, and all kinds of yelling “he’s over here! shoot shoot shoot!!!!, GET HIM,” Yup. It is a colourful life. The yoga was nice though… I love doing yoga in nature even if the background sounds were a little distracting. The boys had fun and my back feels much better thanks to the time spent stretching. Ahhhh yes, the life of a householder yogi.

Day 167: Yoga alone…

juliabreese — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 22:14:48 +0000

I haven’t had much opportunity to get out to a yoga class lately so all of my practice has been at home. I seem to have incredible Yin Yoga sessions on my own but when I do other kinds of more active yoga it doesn’t feel as focused. I get a bit lazy and do the asanas I love instead of mixing it up. Then I get a bit bored. I look at the clock. I wrap it up a little too quickly. I suppose a big part of this is because I am always behind on things around the house. I have the same issue when I work from home. The dishes call out to me. I think about how it has been weeks since the bathroom has had the scrub it needs. I just don’t remain as focused. There is just something beautiful about going to a studio and having someone else tell you what to do. It requires way less discipline.

Finding the time away from the house is challenging these days so I think I am going to get back to the online yoga thing. Anyone have recommendations for great yoga teachers who have some free online classes??

Day 166: Why hello, yes I am a yoga teacher… would you like my business card?

juliabreese — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 22:00:31 +0000

I had a nice class last night at the smaller studio I teach at. It was cozy and I felt a lot less nervous than I usually do going in to teach a class. I am really grateful my “teaching nervousness” is subsiding. I didn’t get into teaching yoga to feel more stressed. It was my hope that teaching yoga would allow me to share something I love while reducing the amount of stress in my life.

At the end of the class I handed out some “free class” passes to the students so they could share them with friends that might be curious about yoga. It felt a bit odd and business-like. Networking, marketing, print collateral… this is all stuff I do in my other job. My “day job”. I have years of experience working in design and marketing. I know how important it is to get yourself out there. I also know there are about a thousand yoga teachers in the town I live in so there is lots of competition. But somehow it all feels a little strange. Business, marketing, competition and yoga in the same sentence?? It is kind weird. I have to be aware of keeping things balanced in this area. I believe in what I am doing and that it can help people. I enjoy teaching. Promoting in this way feels easy because I have confidence in the product/services offered… but then I put my “marketing hat” on and it all feels a little odd. In some ways I wish I could hire someone else to do this part of the promotion. However being a new yoga teacher certainly doesn’t give me the financial means to be hiring marketers. Besides I do actually know how to do this so it seems silly to source it out to someone else at this point. Maybe later.

Day 165: A long Yin Yoga practice for me!

juliabreese — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 16:36:13 +0000

The baby had a good long nap.. which meant I had a good long yoga practice. Lately a lot of my yoga practices have involved going through the classes I am teaching so I can see how they feel in my body. There is a lot of “in and out” of postures. I take notes. I run to look something up on the internet to make sure I am doing it correctly. I see how things “flow” together and if it feels natural. I really enjoy looking at my yoga practice this way but it does change it. There is less of a meditative quality. My practice becomes more about teaching and less about me. I suspect preparing for classes will take less time once I have more teaching experience so I am trying not to worry about this change of pace. It is really important that I keep developing and deepening my own practice though. I want to focus on making sure that I take the time for myself, not just for my classes.

With this in mind I had a LONG yin yoga practice today just for me. And you know what? It was REALLY HARD to stay in the postures for five minutes. I used to find it pretty easy but the way I have been practicing lately is so different. I actually had the body aches again coming out the yin postures. I found myself wondering when the hell my meditation bell would go off so I could get out of the damn postures. It was sort of funny. I have some time set aside tomorrow for a yin yoga session and I am curious to see if day two feels the same. It certainly helped me feel compassion for anyone who I might be teaching yin yoga to that struggles with the long holds.

Day 164: Finding a direction with my teaching, slowly..

juliabreese — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:51:44 +0000

In my own life yoga has done incredible things for my mental health. It has calmed me, helped me through bouts of depression, improved my outlook on life and in general made difficult times feel more manageable. As I research yoga and how it physiologically affects the body my suspicions are confirmed. It isn’t all in my head. Yoga actually does make you “feel better”. That doesn’t mean it makes your problems go away but a regular yoga practice can provide a sense of calmness that makes problems easier to face.

I am very enthusiastic about this part of yoga. Because of this I have really wanted to teach it to people who might be suffering from some mental health issues. My final paper in school was on “Yoga for Addiction”. I am a new teacher and know there is little funding in this area so I had decided to offer a class in this area once a week on a volunteer basis. I have called a few places that I was told did this sort of thing. They haven’t called back. Actually I haven’t even received feedback on my final paper despite already having my teaching certificate. Granted I did hand in my paper at an odd time. I had asked for an extension so I could spend some extra time on it rather than rushing through it so it was done by my course completion date. I think it just got lost in the shuffle. I passed. My paper was good enough that I passed the course. I just never got any feedback.

It just feels the doors aren’t opening in this area. Maybe I need to push harder? I don’t know. I am feeling a little frustrated though and a bit insecure. I think I will just leave it for a few months until I am a bit more confident with my own teaching. I keep reminding myself that there isn’t a big rush with becoming a yoga teacher. This career choice isn’t supposed to cause more stress in my life. So I gently keep reminding myself that taking things slow is okay.

Day 163: Truth, honesty and internet habits..

juliabreese — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 16:25:53 +0000

My physical asana practice has been kind of slow lately. I made the commitment to give myself an hour of practice a day. Yay! Go me!! Day 2 of this new routine myself, my son and my daughter all became sick. Sigh… Rather than fight it I am flowing with it. Rest not routine. Despite this “resting” I have still been learning a lot about yoga. I have been spending as much time as possible reading about chakras (in bed with kleenex and hot tea in hand).

The chakra series I am teaching is forcing me to delve a lot deeper into my own understanding of the chakras. Like I said, I am learning a lot. Not just about the chakras… I am learning a lot about myself too. This week I have been focusing on the Vissuddha Chakra (throat). It represents purification, honesty, creativity and communication. In a sense this is where our “higher truths” come from because this chakra works more on a spiritual plane than with everyday life.The demon of this chakra is LIES. Which brings me to my learning. What I am noticing as I work with this chakra is how often I lie to myself. Little lies but lies none the less. Often these lies come more from laziness than a blatent desire to deceive. I tell myself it is okay if I do “this” or “that” but I know deep down it isn’t.

At the moment one of the things I am looking honestly at how much time I waste on the internet. Don’t get me wrong. Wasting time is a good thing sometimes. But I can feel that I spend too much time browsing online. I can feel in my body that it isn’t good. I sit totally still, back hunched, staring at a screen. It drains me. Somehow I have justified to myself that is is healthier than television but really I am not so sure it is. Surfing the internet changes your brain. I can feel my attention span shorten. I can feel my body tighten.

Yoga has a funny way of doing this to me. It shows me things I might not want to look at it. It gives me clear honest messages. I can chose to take action with the messages I am given or not… but I can’t pretend I haven’t heard them. It forces me to look at myself with honesty.