Day 71: Clingy baby yoga with a side dish of Dutch meditation

Tags

dutch yoga, pranayama, Yoga Nidra

My baby is being pretty clingy these days. This yoga teacher training is taking me away from her a lot and she is responding by getting pretty needy when I am around. Last night she kept waking up unless I was with her. It made doing yoga pretty challenging.

Thankfully we have been focusing a lot on breath work in the class so I decided to do some pranayama instead of physical asanas. At first I practiced Nadi Shodhana (Alternate Nostril Breathing). Then after 12 sets of  Nadi Shodhana I swiched to Kumbuka Breathing which is basically just breath retention. I breathed into the count of five, held for two seconds, then breathed out for the count of six and held for two seconds. Both of these practices are very calming for me.

I finished my “I am trapped in bed with a baby” yoga session by listening to a Yoga Nidra session in Dutch (video below). It was interesting doing Yoga Nidra in another language. I do understand most of what was said in the video but when words came up that I didn’t know I noticed I “came out of my sleep” a bit more to try to focus. I think I will stick mostly with English Yoga Nidra. It is more relaxing hearing it in my own language.

Day 70: Change your breath, change your mind

Tags

Diaphragmatic breathing, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, thoracic breathing, yoga and PTSD, yogic breathing. pranayama

I have had issues with stress in the past… The reasons for this really are out of the scope of this blog but several years back I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I had just seen too much tragedy in too little an amount of time. Rather than processing and mourning I skipped past my pain. Eventually this pain caught up with me. It came out as a big ball of stress related meltdowns. It seems like a distant memory now. Looking back I can’t even really sort out why I was having such a hard time managing life. I spent a lot of time healing old wounds though. During this time of healing I was introduced to yoga and acupuncture. These two things helped me immensely. So did breathing. Really deep big full belly breathing.

Yesterday part of our focus in our teacher training was on our lungs and how we breathe. I am sure you all know that yoga has a BIG FOCUS on breathing. It is a huge part of the practice. Our instructor handed us a diagram from a PTSD site that showed how people with stress disorders breathe in their lungs. It really hit home with me. For almost a year my breath was shallow, going only into the top part of my lungs. This breathing is associated with the “fight or flight” response. And for that year all I was really thinking in my head was “RUN!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE”. Breathing. It’s important.

In yogic practices there are many exercises (pranayama) that focus on breathing. By practicing these breathing exercises a lot of knowledge comes out about how breathing effects our bodies and our minds. With different breaths we can heat or cool ourselves. Breathing can energize us or calm us. By changing our position or our focus area of breath we can massage our organs with breath. We can bring life back into areas of our body that have become deadened or numb. Breathing. It is wonderful. May we all take deep beautiful healing breaths today!

Day 69: Mirror, mirror on the wall

Tags

healing yoga, natural yoga, perfect form, teaching yoga, yoga

It is really hard when you are actually doing yoga to know whether or not you are doing it “right”. I figured because I will be teaching by showing (and explaining verbally) the asanas that I should probably take a look at what I am doing in the mirror to see if what I “think” I am doing looks anything like what I “explain to do”.

Watching myself do yoga in front of the mirror yesterday was a little odd. First off: It is hard to see yourself in the mirror while doing yoga. I did try my best to get a decent look yesterday. My form isn’t perfect, far from it.. but it is actually way closer to what yoga is supposed to look like than I thought it would be. Which is funny. I get corrected in class all the time so in my head I figured I must have been doing yoga quite horribly out of alignment.

Perhaps the biggest thing I have learned in this teacher training so far is to allow people to be honest and gentle with their bodies.. and for me to accept their bodies as they are. One of my teachers said “before you go correct someone look for the beauty in their pose“. I LOVE THAT. To keep yoga safe for everyone I think corrections and alignment suggestions are often necessary but I wonder if sometimes teachers pay a little TOO MUCH attention. Of course I think many people have also been to classes where the teacher totally ignored what the students were doing. This can result in all kinds of injuries, or repetitive strain complications. I suppose teaching yoga is much like most things in life. There is a balance to be found.  How do we help students learn yoga without projecting too much of our own ideas of what the “perfect posture” is onto them? How do we guide people to find their own beauty in the posture while ensuring that their form is safe.

Day 68: I taught my first class!!!

Tags

beginner yoga, beginner yoga teacher, teaching yoga

I taught my first class yesterday! I think it went well although the person I taught is one of the most relaxed, agreeable people I know so it is hard for me to tell if the class was any good. I feel positive about it though. My student was (in my opinion) very able to move comfortably in most positions despite being a beginner yoga practitioner. The perfect first person to teach!!

I wanted to do a 45 minute class so I asked my husband to take the baby away for an hour. When I was teaching I totally misjusdged time though and ended up teaching for an hour. I rushed the end a little bit which is too bad because that is supposed to be the time of relaxation. I suppose the rhythm will come in time and I will be better able to judge these things.

I had sheets with lists of what I wanted to do and some comments about each postures but I didn’t end up using them much. Looking at the sheets really took my attention away from the class. I think I will just have to spend time before each class memorizing what I want to do and say. Of course I ended up changing what I was going to teach anyway. Next week I teach of class of two.. we will see how that goes and how different it feels to have more than one person to focus on. One thing I have noticed when I am teaching yoga is how hard it is to do the posture without getting totally lost in my own practice. I need to look up and out more.  I need to pay more attention to how my students are doing. It is really different from when I am just doing a practice for myself. I feel happy though. Despite my nervousness I did really feel like I enjoyed teaching.

Day 67: Full. Brain. Hurts.

Tags

asana, discipline, life balance, low energy, my brain on yoga, teaching yoga, tired yoga, yoga stage fright, yoga teacher training, yoga with family

I am feeling like life is a little too full. I love this yoga teacher training course I am taking. I love learning about teaching yoga. It is giving me such a different perspective and I am learning so much. However each week by Saturday I feel a little burnt out on it. I miss my baby. It is a lot of time to be away from her. She cries when I leave. She bounces between getting angry at me when I am with her and curling up, cuddling and being really clingy. I think this adjustment has been hard on her. Actually it has been hard on our whole family. My husband is tired. My teen is even more disorganized than usual. The house is a bit of a mess. The laundry piles are getting pretty big.

Saturday also seems to be the day when we teach each other (and sometimes the class). It is the last thing we do in our course after a full week. I suppose it makes sense to do it then. We have a whole week of things to take into our teaching. My brain just feels over full though. By the time we are teaching I feel like I have nothing to say. I need some time to process all we have learned. I feel delicate and not at all like I have the confidence to teach. I suppose this is all part of becoming a teacher though isn’t it? I will still have to show up and teach my classes even when I feel soft and/or scared. There is a place for soft open teachings.

Today teaching someone else WAS easier. But I still felt unfocused and disorganized in my brain as I tried to explain what to do. Practice practice practice right???. I will get the hang of this eventually.

Day 66: Breathe.

Tags

bandhas, yoga breathing. meditation. pranayama

We had a wonderful class on the different paths of yoga, pranayama and the bandha’s last night. I love learning about this sort of thing in a classroom setting because it is so rarely covered in the average yoga class. Hatha yoga (or the physical asana’s) is the primary focus of most yoga classes in our culture. To learn more in a class setting about the other path’s of yoga often means going to a workshop. Although I would LOVE to go to all kinds of these longer specialized classes my finances the past few years have limited the amount workshops I can attend. Thankfully there is a wealth of information in books about these “other parts” of yoga so when I get the chance I fill my brain up with as much information as I can soak in. It isn’t the same as learning in a classroom though. I learn things much deeper when I am in a classroom setting. One of the women who runs the program I am taking mentioned that a majority of the students they train are Kinesthetic Learners. Yup. That is me. I learn by seeing and doing far more than I learn by reading.

We also spent some of the class time working with the Bandha’s, locks and Pranayama. I have explored this part of yoga with a few different teachers before so the information we covered wasn’t new to me. It has been a part of my practice that I let go when I was pregnant though (not recommended during pregnancy).  I haven’t really gotten back into it despite being physically able now. Last night reminded me to focus on this area of yoga again. I really do a feel a difference on many levels when I incorporate breath work into my practice. The best thing? I can do it fairly easily for short amounts of time when the baby naps.

Day 65: To touch or not to touch?

Tags

hip opening, personal space, physical adjustments during a yoga class, yoga adjustments, yoga alignment

I am often amazed by yoga. I went into the teacher training class tonight totally wiped out. I had a headache. The baby had been up since 4am. I had already put in a nine hour work day before I started the four hour class. I was beat. Thankfully everyone else seemed to be in rough shape too so the teacher changed the asana class a bit to be more suited to our needs. We did a light flow style class with some deeeeep hip opening. I feel all lose and wiggly now. I love it! I The class really energized me and helped me stay awake for the duration of the training.

We also played around with some  “personal space” energy exercises which was interesting. It is so rare in life that we pay attention to this sort of thing consciously even though we unconsciously do it all of the time. Communication happens on many different levels and when you are teaching someone yoga it is good to be well aware of this fact… especially if you have any plans to do any physical adjustments on your students. I think I will just stay away from doing any physical adjustments for the time being. I do like it when I get adjustments during a yoga class but I have been injured this way so I am leery when I teacher I don’t know comes over and puts their hands on me. Just because you can physically push my body into a place doesn’t mean my body should be in that place.  Personally I am going to choose to err on the side of extreme caution

Day 64: I lied… I am back to speaking my yoga out loud

Tags

explaining asana, Sun Salutations, teacjing yoga, transitioning, yoga, yoga stage fright

I did another yoga session talking out loud. I said I wasn’t going to. I was going to teach the baby instead but I didn’t get a chance and I REALLY feel like I need to practice vocalizing. It was a little less weird the second time around. I was fine with most postures but got a little tangled in the tongue when I tried to vocalize the steps to do Sun Salutations. I also forgot to mention any of the benefits of the postures. I know them when I am thinking about them but once I start physically doing them my mind goes blank. I think I need some yoga cheat sheets so I can stay on track with my classes.. at least until I get a little better at this.

My session was long but I got a lot less done than usual. Vocalizing while doing yoga seems to slow me down.

50 minutes of Mixed Yoga

• 5 Minutes Seated Meditation
• 1 Sun Salutation
• Forward Fold
• Warrior 1
• Warrior 2
• Triangle (Utthita Trikonasana)
• 1 Sun Salutation
• Runner’s Lunge
• Child’s Pose
• Legs up the wall
• Melting Heart
• Yin twists
• Savasanah

Day 63: I am learning about “Vital Winds”

Tags

prana, prana vayus, pranayama, pranic, pranic energy, yoga, yoga teacher training, yogic breathic work

Tonight I got to watch about half of a yoga class instead of be in it. It was very interesting to see the difference. When I wasn’t actually doing asanas I thought the teacher was repeating herself an awful lot. Surely students don’t need this much prompting do they? When I joined in mid way through the class though I found myself grateful for her continual reminders and prompts. I kept forgetting while in postures what breath/area I was supposed to be focusing on. It was a fun lesson in perspective.

We studied the Prana Vayus tonight which is something I know nothing about. There are “…5 prana vayus, or “winds” that are responsible for the motion of prana, or life energy.Vayu means “wind, air or unseen forces.” Vayu is also the wind-god, who in the Vedic system is the Master of Life,  and the inspirer of breath and the dynamic energy of prana.“

I have done similar energy work in the past (although never with Vayus). It is recommended to not to do these sort of exercises when pregnant though so I had gotten out of this discipline since the baby entered my life. Energy is often a subtle thing and I had a hard time feeling several of the Vayus. Whenever I have gone long periods of time without this sort of focus I always get the same feeling when I return to it. It is as if my “energetic areas” are dusty and full of cob webs. Parts of me feel “energetically” numb. Spending time concentrating on breathing into these areas seems to have left me very sore though. Funny that isn’t it? That one can get sore from breathing? I think perhaps this sort of work is just waking up some areas that I have blocked out my mind because they aren’t the most comfortable parts of my body. I do LOVE this sort of thing and I always feel so much more alive after I spend some time doing these sorts of exercises. It was a good class. I feel very inspired and exciting about teaching this sort of thing to others in the future.

Day 62: Learning to teach yoga is getting in the way of doing yoga

Tags

baby yoga, yoga teacher training, yoga with kids

I have gotten over my little panic attack about teaching yoga. I know I just need practice. Teaching it is like taking what I know and turning it inside out and backwards. I get confused trying to explain it. I know it will come though. I just need to keep at it.

To help myself along I decided to “teach” myself a class last night. I went through the postures telling myself what came next. Out loud.. It was weird. I hardly got through any postures and it totally changed my practice. It didn’t feel  much like my practice. I think I will try to teach the baby yoga tomorrow instead. Then I will focus on my own practice in the evening once she is in bed. The great thing about babies is that  they are totally non judgmental. She is super flexible too although not always the most cooperative. I foresee mushed blueberries, spilled yogurt and teddy bears in the class I teach tomorrow.