Painting by Susan Seddon BouletYesterday was a BAD DAY. You know when you have those days where things just won’t work? It went wrong right from the get go. I broke my husband’s special coffee cup trying to make coffee. I broke a bowl trying to get another cup. I had a full day of running around, writing, emailing, catching up on all the things you have to catch up on after a long weekend. Nothing went right. The weather was crazy.. rainy sunny windy rainy sunny windy. This sort of weather loosens all the mold spores which basically makes me walk around in an allergy induced zombie state. I was a wreck. My body wanted to stop. I wanted to cry and couldn’t find a spare moment to just sit down and collapse.

I had to assist my teacher in a class at the teacher training (which I was already nervous about). I was supposed to guide the class through three sun salutations. I totally blew it. Totally. I lost count on how many sun salutations we had done. I actually totally forgot what I was doing. It was horrible. My teacher was patient and had some nice suggestions for me but I already knew what was wrong. Things were just too full… the long weekend totally threw off my schedule. I have nothing extra to draw on right now when things get crazy. No reserves. And really this teacher training is at least 5 hours more a week than I can handle. But it is only for three months so I really thought I could squeak through without having a day like yesterday. Obviously I was wrong.

It does bring a question I had to light though. What happens when you REALLY DON’T WANT TO TEACH but you have to? If I could have changed yesterday I would have taught a quiet class. SLOW but detailed. I did do savasana at the end and I think it went well. It was hard to tell though. I cried after my class and all the other students saw so if anyone had any suggestions for me they probably kept quiet about them deciding that it might just be best to leave me alone. It also showed me that overbooking yourself and teaching yoga really don’t go well together. I had already decided that I can’t really commit to more than 10 hours a week on teaching yoga (at least until the baby is older). Right now the teacher training is 20, plus about 5 hours homework and 2-3 hours prepping and teaching time. I am about 17 hours over what I feel is right for me. So if nothing else this firmed up my decision to keep the hours spent on teaching light once I graduate.

Sigh. I feel a little embarrassed. I know bad days happen to everyone sometimes but still I feel really silly.