Day 200: Talk less

Tags

Meditation, quite yoga, silence

I am a bit of a chatter bug. I over share. I talk a lot. It is just the way I am wired. I like silence. I like to sit in silence and I find long quiet walks in the woods lovely. But if someone is there with me I talk and talk and talk.

When it comes to yoga I have lots to say. I find the whole subject matter fascinating. Yoga has helped me so much in my life. What I am realizing though is that my chattering isn’t really necessary in a yoga class. In fact it is completely unnecessary. Yoga isn’t a lecture hall. It is a shared space for people to sit with themselves and their bodies. It is a place where exploration can occur. It is a place for quietness. I am going to work on talking less in my classes. Empty space is good. Silence is golden.

Day 199: My “other” life

Tags

daily practice, yoga and office work, yoga for computer backs, yoga practice

I have a day job. Yes it is true. I do not make a living teaching yoga. Actually at the moment teaching yoga has cost me $272.25. I track my expenses pretty closely. I have no illusions that I will be making big bucks teaching yoga. I was warned well in advance that this is rarely the case despite people shelling out the big bucks to learn yoga. I teach for the love of sharing this practice. I have made a promise to myself however that teaching yoga can’t “cost” me money. I need to at least break even. As you can see from the figure above I haven’t quite sorted that out yet. In time.. I am still pretty new to all of this.

So my day job is design, marketing and computer techie type stuff. Yesterday I was working away when my mind started to wander. I struggle with this a lot in my job. Sitting in front of a computer for hours is a bit mind numbing at times. It was sunny out. I wanted to play. I decided to take a half hour break to do some yoga. I went outside and did yoga on the stone patio in the back yard. It was warm and wonderful. I felt incredibly refreshed afterwards. Work became interesting again. I REALLY need to remember to take these kinds of breaks. It makes such a difference with productivity and general happiness in my job. I accomplish so much more when I remember take some time away from the screen.

Day 198: Time to ditch the script..Part Deux

Tags

gentle yoga, my yoga rules, newbie yoga teacher, teaching yoga

I am working towards ditching my yoga script. I still plan classes but my notes are less epic. I notice I sway from what I planned more often now using intuition to work with the class rather than a script. It feels really good to be moving in this direction. I feel more connected to the people in the room. The teaching that comes out of me feels more genuine. I am still shaping my style. I can feel that I lack polish and finesse sometimes and I notice that my teaching can be a bit all over the map. I am starting to narrow down what I have to offer though. If I could sum it up in point form it would be:

• Notice the breath
• Let the movements initiate from the core
• Feel the grounding energy from the bottom half of the body
• Feel the natural lifting energy that occurs with the upper half of the body
• Expand, take up space
• Be soft
• Let the mind be quiet
• Be present
• Be curious and gentle with yourself
• Let the body lead the practice not the mind

That about sums it up… I mean obviously I say more than that in a class.. but those are the parts of my teaching that feel precious to me. They are reminders that I continually tell  myself too.

Day 197: Am I the most flexible person in the room?

Tags

flexibility and yoga, householder yoga, yoga and humility

Photo by thomaskellyphotos.com

For some silly reason I have this idea that as a teacher I should be more flexible than my students. It isn’t a competitive feeling. I guess I just wonder if the students are more flexible will I still be able to teach them anything??? In my head I know that everyone has their own unique gifts to offer. As I get more experience teaching I feel more confident with my own abilities. Flexibility is such a small part of the picture when it comes to yoga too. But the little voice inside my head comes up sometimes “Wow, they are really good, why am I teaching them?”.

Many of my students are more flexible than me….at least in some of the postures. I also tend to teach poses I am most comfortable with so they don’t get to see how insanely tight I am in some of the other asanas. I am a LOT less flexible than I was a few years ago. Family has swooped into the spot in my life that used to be dedicated to two hours of practice a day. Most days I am happy to have the family there even if it means “Pretzel Julia” gets put on hold for a while. So here I am… the stiff yoga teacher that has a really hard time finding more than 30 minutes a day for her own practice. It isn’t exactly how I pictured this story line going. I am learning a whole lot about myself through this process though.

Day 196: Close to my heart

Tags

new yoga teacher, yoga and mental health, yoga and trauma, yoga community, yoga support

It was the last day of the Yoga for Trauma and Mental health workshop. I am realizing that most of these weekend yoga workshops usually end with a short yoga session, a few more teaching tidbits and then some practice teaching with the group. I am terrified of teaching my peers. All of my “I am not good enough” insecurities come out. For the teaching practice we broke into groups and planned a class together. Each person had approximately seven minutes of teaching which was then combined into a full class. I find this style of teaching jarring but good practice regardless. My teaching session was the last one of our group. Relaxation and savasanah. When I agreed to this I had forgotten that our team was teaching a “chair yoga” session. Hrm? Savasanah in a chair? I used some of the techniques that Jennifer Piercy had taught us at our Yoga Nidra workshop. I think it was a success. One of the people even started nodding off. I thought they were just “pretending” to nod off because we were “pretending” to teach a class of addicts. No.. they actually fell asleep in a chair during my relaxation session. This is a good thing right?

We get feedback from the group afterwards which is meant to be constructive but positive. So far in these workshops my feedback is always the same. “It was good” or “That was really nice“. There isn’t really any feedback with comments like those. I suppose “Wow! You totally blew that class didn’t you???” isn’t really what I am looking for but the feedback is always so non descriptive. I don’t know what it means. Maybe if the right situation comes up I will try to dig deeper for feedback. I really do want to know how I am doing even if it isn’t all positive.

This was a very emotional workshop for me. I felt a lot closer to the women in the room than I usually do during these teacher trainings. We shared a lot. Most of the women are continuing on with their 500 Yoga Therapy Certification. Sadly I am not… My kids need the small amount of extra cash I have now for their “education” (camps, music/art lessons etc). I felt quite sad leaving the group at this stage though. I was enjoying the community. It is a little scary sometimes being a “lone yoga teacher trying to break her way into a new career”.

Day 195: Sunny days always help lift the spirit

Tags

yoga for addictions, yoga for mental health, yoga for trauma

Today the Yoga for Trauma & Mental Health workshop was more uplifting. For starters it was SUNNY out. The workshop was hosted at Sleeping Dog Farm which is a beautiful location. We spent  most of the day in a bright round room with horses, chickens, vegetable gardens and mountains as our backdrop. It was lovely. The instructor Nicole Marcia taught us a couple sample Yoga for Trauma classes. One for people very new to yoga suffering from trauma and one for people a little further along in the healing process. We did a check-in first thing in the morning and I ended up crying. Sigh. Yes.. I was one of those criers at the workshop. She handled it very well though. She acknowledged that she had left us hanging a bit and apologized and said she would do a more formal grounding and closing of the sessions. I really liked her down to earth approach and her ability to accept responsibility for the room and her part as a facilitator.

There was a lot of practical tips about how to modify postures that might cause triggers and stress responses in students. We also talked a lot about our usage of language. We went over techniques for helping our yoga instructions come off as gentle and full of choices for those suffering from trauma. Essentially there was a lot of focus on creating a safe space that would be empowering for our students. The beautiful thing is that the skills are applicable to any yoga class. As Nicole mentioned, you might not even know someone in your class is suffering from trauma. I felt much brighter and inspired afterwards which was a relief. After the first night I was wondering if perhaps my past made me a little too sensitive to teach this population. I think having my own experience with trauma could be a great gift though in regards to my teaching. My past has certainly increased my ability to feel compassion and relatedness to those who might be suffering through some rough times.

Day 194: Go figure. This yoga workshop is a little stressful

Tags

yoga for addictions, yoga for mental health, yoga for trauma

Today was day one of my Trauma and Mental Health Yoga workshop and I am actually feeling a little stressed from it. The instructor works in an addictions/harm reduction center in Burnaby that services mostly clients from DTES. I feel a little raw after talking/hearing about trauma for four hours. I have suffered from trauma and PTSD in the past. I love many people who are still suffering through different addictions, mental illness and stress related disorders. Everything she talks about is familiar to me although much of the subject matter feels like some weird dream I had a long time ago. I lost many of my friends during my teen years and twenties… Myself and my close friends from that time were a little shell shocked from the whole experience. I often think I am over it and then nights like tonight hit me and I realize I still have a lot more processing to do. So far we haven’t actually learnt any “yoga” to deal with trauma. We have just been learning about trauma and the disorders it causes. It is kind of traumatic talking non-stop about trauma. I suspect tomorrow we will be doing more yoga and I will feel a little more grounded. Fingers crossed.

Day 193: Exhaling, surrendering…

Tags

breathing, exhaling, non attachment, releasing, yoga with an injury

I have been focusing a lot on the qualities of exhaling during my yoga practice lately. There have been many things coming up in my life that are challenging.  I am trying to find a place of acceptance and gratitude during this period of mild frustration. I have been sick on and off for a while, suffer from allergies and still have a knee injury. It all gets a little tiresome. I have this feeling that if I eat well and do yoga I will feel wonderful but that isn’t always the case.  I probably feel a lot better than I would if I was watching 8 hours of t.v. a day while eating cheetos… but all in all my energy and vitality feel low at the moment.

So I am exhaling… long drawn out exhales, releasing expectations and tension as much as I can. There is a quote here I like that says “The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali,” a book outlining the precepts of traditional yoga, refers to exhalation as the way to calm, energize and balance your mind as well as elevate your mood. By exhaling fully, you eliminate toxins, release what no longer serves you, remove obstacles, increase relaxation, relieve stress, free your respiratory system to inhale more fresh air, and clear the movement of prana.” I particularly like the comment about how our deeper exhales result in fuller inhales. So often during breath work the focus is placed on the inhale which is a very active process. This can result in the exercise feeling slightly forced. If we bring our attention to the exhale things become more relaxed. With deep release we create spaciousness. By letting go we create room for new things to come into our life.

Day 192: Quiet day, quiet practice

Tags

blue yoga, yoga, yoga when sad

Feeling a little blue. My mom was visiting but now she has gone back to the Netherlands. My yoga was very blah and routine-like. I was going through the motions but my attention wasn’t there. Sun salutations, warriors, pyramid, chair. Nothing fancy. Just an attempt to keep some movement happening in my body.

Day 191: Do not kill the instinct of the body for the glory of the pose

Tags

elderly yoga, gentle yoga, inspirational yoga, Vanda Scaravelli

I have talked about Vanda Scaravelli before on this blog. I never met her, I have never taken a class taught in her style. I have looked online at videos of Vanda Scaravelli inspired teachings and they don’t resonate with me at all. However her one and only book “Awakening the Spine” really moved me. It changed the way I think about yoga (and my body) completely. I used to be a competitive athlete. My focus was always on going beyond what my body could do. It was about pushing my body to the limits so I could win the race. I overdeveloped some muscles, underdeveloped others. Despite being in amazingly good shape I was in pain and out of balance. This mindset of pushing the body was ingrained to me when I was a teen and it has been very hard to shake. This is not uncommon with athletes.

Vanda’s book encourages the practitioner to work with the body. She says it is important to get away from the mindset of pushing and pulling ourselves into postures. She compares the body to a tree with roots and leaves. One energy reaches deep into the earth, gaining stability and nourishment, the other energy reaches upwards, lengthening, growing and having a sense of lightness. In her system these two energies meet at around the fourth or fifth lumbar vertabrae. Her approach is very feminine. She relates back to examples of the natural world continually. Everything is loose. There is no pain. Breath flows naturally, elongating the spine with each exhale. Movement initiates from the center. Reaching and striving are let go. Instead the body is approached with curiosity and exploration. There is no teacher. The body shows us what to do. We just need to be quiet and listen. She says “Do not kill the instinct of the body for the glory of the pose.”

I have now read her book over and over again. What she says is so simple and yet has such depth. Often her words come to me during my own yoga practice or when I am teaching. How lovely that a woman in her 80’s wrote a book that keeps reminding me to approach yoga with a sense of play.