One of the things I have noticed about becoming a yoga teacher is that there is this unspoken rule that you will be a “nice generous polite & kind” person. Yes.. if you study yoga you will come across a set of ethics.. but yoga is a VAST system with many different branches and ideologies. As far as I can tell yoga is not really about being “nice” and teaching yoga doesn’t mean you aren’t sometimes selfish, greedy, insecure, neurotic, manic, angry… etc. etc.
See… I used to live on the streets. I was an angry little punk girl with big boots who liked to kick things. I loved smashing glass. I hung out with the roughest of the rough. I loved screaming and dancing in a mosh pit. Truthfully there is still a part of me that attracts to this sort of life. There was a raw honesty there… especially if people’s addictions were taken out of the equation. Most of the people I met when I was living this way were desperately seeking answers, genuine connection and value in life. Many of them were deeply spiritual people.
Sometimes I feel a bit like a stranger or a fake. Like I am pretending to be a yoga teacher but in all reality I am not “nice or pure enough” to actually do this. But I know this whole thing about yoga teacher’s is a myth. It is like the “Good Christian” myth. People are just people. Sometimes we are selfish. Sometimes we are generous. We lose our cool, we lash out.. and we are capable of the greatest acts of kindness too. This spreads over all religions, all spiritual systems. In the end I think the most important thing is that we try our best and when we do screw up.. we accept ownership and apologize for our mistakes.